![TW: Suicide, Depression, Sexual Assault
I hope you'll sit down with me a bit because this year is so personal for me. I turn 40 this year. And I'm more excited about this birthday than any birthday before it. You might be wondering why.
Honestly, as a kid and young adult, I never thought I'd make it to 40. I figured I'd be dead before I hit this milestone.
I grew up in a fairly dysfunctional situation. I have a teen mom and am also the product of rape. My mom and her mom, my Nanny, did not get along, which led to me often being a pawn piece in their game of chess and me working hard to be the adult that not only diffused their conflicts (which were, at times, physically violent), but also helped them heal from their abuses.
The cycle of abuse was strong in my family. My Nanny was abused. My mom. Me. I was first sexually abused at the age of 4 or 5. I remember when my mom found me being abused and blamed me for what was happening with a significantly older boy. She shamed me. My Nanny didn't believe me. I was so confused and so upset with myself. It started me down a very long road to recovery because from that point on, my disordered relationship with sex and shame and my self worth would become my Everest.
My mother attempted suicide many times during my life. Her desire to die was so palpable, but so was her guilt over it. As a young person walking into the hospital to visit my mom, who slit her wrists, it didn't even dawn on me that this was not a normal experience. For me, it felt normal. It felt ordinary. Living with a resting heart rate right below panic attack was just my baseline.
By the time my teen years arrived, my desire to stay on this Earth was slim. I didn't understand why I should want to, I had no concept of my own self worth, and I didn't have any people in my life who could model healthy relationships with themselves, with their loved ones. All around me, I saw addicts, people who were deeply depressed, people in abusive and/or dysfunctional marriages. Or worse, people pretending to be happy people. But my empathy was so high so I could always feel through that mask.
[More in comments]](https://geekgirltravel.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/325840996_212884384546595_3269018963513166867_n-256x320.jpg)
![TW: Suicide, Depression, Sexual Assault
I hope you'll sit down with me a bit because this year is so personal for me. I turn 40 this year. And I'm more excited about this birthday than any birthday before it. You might be wondering why.
Honestly, as a kid and young adult, I never thought I'd make it to 40. I figured I'd be dead before I hit this milestone.
I grew up in a fairly dysfunctional situation. I have a teen mom and am also the product of rape. My mom and her mom, my Nanny, did not get along, which led to me often being a pawn piece in their game of chess and me working hard to be the adult that not only diffused their conflicts (which were, at times, physically violent), but also helped them heal from their abuses.
The cycle of abuse was strong in my family. My Nanny was abused. My mom. Me. I was first sexually abused at the age of 4 or 5. I remember when my mom found me being abused and blamed me for what was happening with a significantly older boy. She shamed me. My Nanny didn't believe me. I was so confused and so upset with myself. It started me down a very long road to recovery because from that point on, my disordered relationship with sex and shame and my self worth would become my Everest.
My mother attempted suicide many times during my life. Her desire to die was so palpable, but so was her guilt over it. As a young person walking into the hospital to visit my mom, who slit her wrists, it didn't even dawn on me that this was not a normal experience. For me, it felt normal. It felt ordinary. Living with a resting heart rate right below panic attack was just my baseline.
By the time my teen years arrived, my desire to stay on this Earth was slim. I didn't understand why I should want to, I had no concept of my own self worth, and I didn't have any people in my life who could model healthy relationships with themselves, with their loved ones. All around me, I saw addicts, people who were deeply depressed, people in abusive and/or dysfunctional marriages. Or worse, people pretending to be happy people. But my empathy was so high so I could always feel through that mask.
[More in comments]](https://scontent-lax3-1.cdninstagram.com/v/t51.29350-15/325840996_212884384546595_3269018963513166867_n.webp?stp=dst-jpg&_nc_cat=108&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=8ae9d6&_nc_ohc=hGST7V42vaAAX_IdhNa&_nc_ht=scontent-lax3-1.cdninstagram.com&edm=ANo9K5cEAAAA&oh=00_AfDCILQCq8c045LzUFflJUmLyRPvM2TQFYiv8G2XNKYzOg&oe=63D950B9)
![TW: Suicide, Depression, Sexual Assault
I hope you'll sit down with me a bit because this year is so personal for me. I turn 40 this year. And I'm more excited about this birthday than any birthday before it. You might be wondering why.
Honestly, as a kid and young adult, I never thought I'd make it to 40. I figured I'd be dead before I hit this milestone.
I grew up in a fairly dysfunctional situation. I have a teen mom and am also the product of rape. My mom and her mom, my Nanny, did not get along, which led to me often being a pawn piece in their game of chess and me working hard to be the adult that not only diffused their conflicts (which were, at times, physically violent), but also helped them heal from their abuses.
The cycle of abuse was strong in my family. My Nanny was abused. My mom. Me. I was first sexually abused at the age of 4 or 5. I remember when my mom found me being abused and blamed me for what was happening with a significantly older boy. She shamed me. My Nanny didn't believe me. I was so confused and so upset with myself. It started me down a very long road to recovery because from that point on, my disordered relationship with sex and shame and my self worth would become my Everest.
My mother attempted suicide many times during my life. Her desire to die was so palpable, but so was her guilt over it. As a young person walking into the hospital to visit my mom, who slit her wrists, it didn't even dawn on me that this was not a normal experience. For me, it felt normal. It felt ordinary. Living with a resting heart rate right below panic attack was just my baseline.
By the time my teen years arrived, my desire to stay on this Earth was slim. I didn't understand why I should want to, I had no concept of my own self worth, and I didn't have any people in my life who could model healthy relationships with themselves, with their loved ones. All around me, I saw addicts, people who were deeply depressed, people in abusive and/or dysfunctional marriages. Or worse, people pretending to be happy people. But my empathy was so high so I could always feel through that mask.
[More in comments]](https://scontent-lax3-1.cdninstagram.com/v/t51.29350-15/325825763_1253729068877935_4452180790133285637_n.webp?stp=dst-jpg&_nc_cat=109&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=8ae9d6&_nc_ohc=W_1SsytodZgAX_hPL41&_nc_ht=scontent-lax3-1.cdninstagram.com&edm=ANo9K5cEAAAA&oh=00_AfAy181X1Jwg73Sn1_odHBw5KCLbSBrPcw5ZNKhfTIBN-w&oe=63DA976A)
![TW: Suicide, Depression, Sexual Assault
I hope you'll sit down with me a bit because this year is so personal for me. I turn 40 this year. And I'm more excited about this birthday than any birthday before it. You might be wondering why.
Honestly, as a kid and young adult, I never thought I'd make it to 40. I figured I'd be dead before I hit this milestone.
I grew up in a fairly dysfunctional situation. I have a teen mom and am also the product of rape. My mom and her mom, my Nanny, did not get along, which led to me often being a pawn piece in their game of chess and me working hard to be the adult that not only diffused their conflicts (which were, at times, physically violent), but also helped them heal from their abuses.
The cycle of abuse was strong in my family. My Nanny was abused. My mom. Me. I was first sexually abused at the age of 4 or 5. I remember when my mom found me being abused and blamed me for what was happening with a significantly older boy. She shamed me. My Nanny didn't believe me. I was so confused and so upset with myself. It started me down a very long road to recovery because from that point on, my disordered relationship with sex and shame and my self worth would become my Everest.
My mother attempted suicide many times during my life. Her desire to die was so palpable, but so was her guilt over it. As a young person walking into the hospital to visit my mom, who slit her wrists, it didn't even dawn on me that this was not a normal experience. For me, it felt normal. It felt ordinary. Living with a resting heart rate right below panic attack was just my baseline.
By the time my teen years arrived, my desire to stay on this Earth was slim. I didn't understand why I should want to, I had no concept of my own self worth, and I didn't have any people in my life who could model healthy relationships with themselves, with their loved ones. All around me, I saw addicts, people who were deeply depressed, people in abusive and/or dysfunctional marriages. Or worse, people pretending to be happy people. But my empathy was so high so I could always feel through that mask.
[More in comments]](https://scontent-lax3-1.cdninstagram.com/v/t51.29350-15/325521449_841253413650355_1082411702875442231_n.webp?stp=dst-jpg&_nc_cat=108&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=8ae9d6&_nc_ohc=x8XekIICedoAX9No7yI&_nc_ht=scontent-lax3-1.cdninstagram.com&edm=ANo9K5cEAAAA&oh=00_AfDVeZEUl9FVjSj3WTZykesOExMLUyh87vSObxL4nmbvBA&oe=63DAA986)
![TW: Suicide, Depression, Sexual Assault
I hope you'll sit down with me a bit because this year is so personal for me. I turn 40 this year. And I'm more excited about this birthday than any birthday before it. You might be wondering why.
Honestly, as a kid and young adult, I never thought I'd make it to 40. I figured I'd be dead before I hit this milestone.
I grew up in a fairly dysfunctional situation. I have a teen mom and am also the product of rape. My mom and her mom, my Nanny, did not get along, which led to me often being a pawn piece in their game of chess and me working hard to be the adult that not only diffused their conflicts (which were, at times, physically violent), but also helped them heal from their abuses.
The cycle of abuse was strong in my family. My Nanny was abused. My mom. Me. I was first sexually abused at the age of 4 or 5. I remember when my mom found me being abused and blamed me for what was happening with a significantly older boy. She shamed me. My Nanny didn't believe me. I was so confused and so upset with myself. It started me down a very long road to recovery because from that point on, my disordered relationship with sex and shame and my self worth would become my Everest.
My mother attempted suicide many times during my life. Her desire to die was so palpable, but so was her guilt over it. As a young person walking into the hospital to visit my mom, who slit her wrists, it didn't even dawn on me that this was not a normal experience. For me, it felt normal. It felt ordinary. Living with a resting heart rate right below panic attack was just my baseline.
By the time my teen years arrived, my desire to stay on this Earth was slim. I didn't understand why I should want to, I had no concept of my own self worth, and I didn't have any people in my life who could model healthy relationships with themselves, with their loved ones. All around me, I saw addicts, people who were deeply depressed, people in abusive and/or dysfunctional marriages. Or worse, people pretending to be happy people. But my empathy was so high so I could always feel through that mask.
[More in comments]](https://scontent-lax3-1.cdninstagram.com/v/t51.29350-15/325583184_1392385928269097_2930411512082814624_n.webp?stp=dst-jpg&_nc_cat=110&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=8ae9d6&_nc_ohc=fXKNgkP48tYAX_lDPc_&_nc_ht=scontent-lax3-1.cdninstagram.com&edm=ANo9K5cEAAAA&oh=00_AfB1jALDbOMBxwGhrFOcn8A__W0a0GHsIgqqkfnVleWEYQ&oe=63D9EFD8)
Get Ready
About Get Ready
Ready to plan? Explore these different categories to read more about how I prepare for my travel, including travel with Lupus, my favorite budget hacks, packing tips, and even reviews.
With every trip you take, you gain a bit more knowledge and confidence. That experience can help better inform your choices for the next trip. And the trip after that. But even before you travel, you can research and help become a more informed wanderluster.
Look over the links to the left and see if my experience can help you and your travel and then head out on your very own adventure.
Look over the links below and see if my experience can help you and your travel and then head out on your very own adventure.
Top Lists
Recent Posts
Visiting the Last Blockbuster on Earth
Located in the city of Bend, Oregon (about 160 miles from Portland), be prepared to be transported back to your 90s kid youth when you see this perfectly preserved Last Blockbuster on Earth. Yes, you read that right. There is still a Blockbuster operating in Oregon and you can totally visit it.
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Living with Lupus
I’ve had different health challenges for as long as I can remember. When I got into college and really had to manage my own health care, things took a turn for the worse. That would be the start of what would turn out to be a very long journey trying to find a medical professional who…
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Icelandic Food History
Before traveling to Iceland for the first time, we were so excited to learn more about its history. Food culture is really important in my family, so we especially love delving into the food history of every place we visit. Iceland was particularly fascinating to learn about due to a combination of its geographical location, its isolation…
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Top 10 Things to Pack for a Safari
First things first – you are going on a safari. That is awesome! Congratulations. Here are 10 things I just don’t see as often or consistently on all of the “must pack” lists that I think need to be.
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That One Time I Almost Ruined My Hair in Iceland
I’d been traveling with fun-colored hair for a while before I almost ruined my hair in Iceland. I felt like I had the whole process down.
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Top 10 Budget Travel Hacks
Want to get the best travel experience while making the most of your travel funds? Check out these budget travel hacks!
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Top 5 Free Beaches to Visit on a Caribbean Cruise
We absolutely love exploring the many beaches the Caribbean has to offer. Truth be told, I’ve explored many Caribbean beaches while enjoying cruises around that region of the world. This list goes over my favorite beaches to visit while on a Caribbean Cruise.
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Top 10 Road Trip Tips
Road trips don’t have rules beyond being trips on the road. In order to make the most out of these trips, check out my top 10 road trip tips!
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Top 10 Tips for Haggling
Let’s be real. Haggling is a somewhat controversial thing. You tend to either love it or hate it. For me, haggling or bargaining is this sacred dance between the seller and me.
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Why I Buy Local Art Everywhere I Travel
I’m sure you’ve started to see a trend when it comes to my travels. I collect local art from every new place I visit. I figure I’ll one day be able to create a gallery of adventures. Buying local is a huge part of that wanderlust. When I’m experiencing a new community, I want to…
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Top 10 Tips for Taking The Perfect Selfie on Your Travels
Taking the perfect selfie on your travels is not easy, but with these top 10 tips, you can make the most of the selfie opportunities you find along the way!
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My Top Five Beach Basics
Beach travel is definitely a big part of our world travel. Ironic for someone as photosensitive as I am, but the sound of the water and the feeling of sand between my toes means I just prepare myself a bit more for the excursion.
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