If you had told me a year ago that I’d be writing this, I’m not sure I would have believed you. But here I am, sitting down to share something that feels equal parts joyful, surreal, and deeply personal: we’re expecting our baby, Olive.
This journey has been anything but straightforward. Last April, as some of you may know, we lost our sweet Lily. It was the kind of loss that shakes you to your core, the kind that rewrites the way you see time, hope, and the plans you thought were set in stone. And not only did I lose my baby, but I almost lost myself. I was blessed with a lifesaving surgery, the best doctors in town, and a lot of luck on my side.
In the aftermath, we were told we needed to wait six months before trying again. That number felt impossibly far away, yet at the same time, not nearly enough to process everything.
Those six months didn’t just speed by. They were difficult months. Lonely months. People didn’t know how to best support me, and I had no idea what I needed beyond the space and freedom to be sad. I became a different version of myself, and for the first time in my many years, I felt unanchored.
Then, exactly six months from losing Lily – the very six months we had to wait to try again – we conceived Olive. Six months to the day.
We found out right around Thanksgiving and shared the joyous news with our daughter as soon as we saw our doctor and she assured us everything was good. We told the family around Christmas. Here I am, more than halfway to the finish line, and sharing this news with you.
Some people don’t believe in signs, but I do. Life can bring heartbreak, but it can also bring poetry. And something about that timing, the symmetry of it all, felt like a whisper from the universe. A reminder that healing and hope can exist in the same breath.
Pregnancy after loss is complicated. It is an emotional tightrope walk between joy and fear, gratitude and grief. There is no “going back to normal.” There is only a new version of normal, one that holds both the love we still carry for Lily and the excitement, and nerves, that come with meeting Olive.
So here we are, stepping into this next chapter. I don’t have all the words for what I’m feeling yet, but I do know this: I am endlessly grateful. Grateful for this baby, for the people who have held space for us through it all, and for the chance to share this journey – messy, beautiful, bittersweet, and all – with you.
Thank you for being here with us.
